Divorce mediation is a collaborative and cost-effective way for divorcing couples to settle their differences without the need for a long and expensive court battle.
Sounds Great, Right?
This divorce mediation checklist is designed to help you thoroughly prepare for your divorce mediation session.
With the goal of having a smooth and productive mediation that leads to a settlement.
This checklist will guide you through each step, helping you:
- Find the right mediator
- Gather the necessary documents
- Mentally prepare
- Navigate the legal considerations involved
Table of Contents
Choosing the Right Mediator
Selecting a mediator is the first crucial step in the divorce mediation process.
A good divorce mediator is a neutral third party with expertise in family law and conflict resolution.
When choosing a mediator, consider the following:
Experience and Specialization
Ensure the mediator has experience in divorce cases and is well-versed in issues like child custody, spousal support, and property division.
Approach
Some mediators focus on a more collaborative process, while others may take a more directive approach.
Choose one that aligns with your preferences:
Collaborative Approach
The mediator encourages open communication and helps the parties express their needs, concerns, and interests through a neutral voice.
Directive Approach
The mediator takes on a more active role in guiding the conversation, offering suggestions, and, at times, evaluating the positions of each party.
Cost:
Mediation costs can vary, so understand the fee structure.
- Flat fee?
- Hourly rate?
- Is there a retainer?
Key Documents to Gather
If you want to have a successful outcome from mediation, there is an important first step you need to complete before you schedule mediation.
You need to complete financial disclosures.
Mediating property division will be a waste of your time and money unless you have completed the disclosure part of the divorce process.
Completing your disclosures means you will have exchanged the following financial statements with the other party:
- Pay Stubs
- Bank Statements
- Investment Account Statements
- Retirement Account Statements
- Property Deeds and Mortgage Statements
- Credit Card Statements
- Insurance Policies
- Loan and Debt Information
- Tax Returns
Preparing for Mediation Sessions
Preparation is key to a successful divorce mediation.
“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.”
— Benjamin Franklin
Property valuation Preferences
It is a good idea to have appraisals done on marital property before mediation.
Having accurate values for big-ticket items helps ensure you’re getting a fair division of the assets.
However, appraisals cost money.
For property division discussion, you and the other party can agree to your own values for marital assets.
Including:
- Real Estate
- Vehicles
- Business Ownership Stakes
Future Financial Planning
Have you sat down to create financial goals for yourself?
How much do you need to retire?
Do you plan to go back to school? Or pay for your children’s college?
Once you and your spouse have completed financial disclosures, it may be wise to sit down with a financial planner to discuss your financial future.
Divorce can drastically affect when you’re able to retire and the standard of living you’ll have.
SO
Gather as much information and advice as you can before mediation.
The next step in properly preparing for mediation is your property division spreadsheet.
Creating Your Property Division Spreadsheet
Having already done your financial disclosures, you should be well prepared for creating your spreadsheet.
The spreadsheet lists all marital assets and liabilities, including:
- personal property
- bank accounts
- real estate
- vehicles
- business interests
- and unsecured notes (e.g., medical bills)
The sheet will include the values and debts of each item and who they’re allocated to.
Think of it as your proposal for how to divide marital property and a tool for negotiations.
Don’t start from scratch!
Save yourself the frustration
DON’T WRITE FORMULAS
Use our spreadsheet
Budget and Living Expenses
Now that you’ve created your property division spreadsheet, it’s time to think about your budget.
First
Make sure you have a firm grasp of your current monthly expenses.
Next
Use your property spreadsheet to help figure out what your post-divorce living expenses might be.
You may need to adjust how you divide assets as you figure out the reality of your situation.
Be brutally honest with yourself when it comes to things like:
- Can you afford the mortgage payments?
- Will you be able to keep up with your car payments?
- Can you stay on top of your student loans?
If you’re going to receive spousal support, you may be able to afford something now.
BUT
What about when support ends?
Spend time thinking through these things so you can create a post-divorce budget for yourself.
When going into mediation, it’s important to know the bottom line of what you need vs. what you want and understand that a settlement will likely fall between the two.
Take the time to run through different property division scenarios.
For Example:
Try switching who gets what property, change what percentage of an investment each party gets, what marital debt each party takes, etc.
This practice will help you prepare for negotiations and to make tough decisions.
Decisions like whether to keep the house, award it to your ex, or sell it and split the proceeds.
Having a solid understanding of what you’ll need financially and what you can afford post-divorce will be extremely helpful when negotiating property division, child support, and spousal support.
Child Custody and Support Preferences
Develop a Parenting Plan
You should put together a proposed parenting plan to negotiate in mediation.
This plan should take into account the children’s needs, school schedules, and extracurricular activities.
The plan should cover topics such as:
- Decision Making
- Parenting Time
- Travel
- Vacations
- Shared expenses
See our article on Parenting Plans for a more in-depth look at what a parenting plan entails.
Child Support Considerations
The amount of parenting time you have will affect how much child support payments will be.
So
If you’re the parent paying support, try to get 92 overnights or more per year.
This will put you on a different child support worksheet, which means the amount you pay in support will be less.
It is important to remember this when negotiating child custody arrangements, including legal custody (decision-making authority) and physical custody (where the child will live).
Spousal Support Considerations
As mentioned earlier, you should reflect on your financial needs post-divorce.
This will help you know how much spousal support you need or can afford to pay.
Even though Colorado has guidelines for support, you are allowed to negotiate how much support will be and how long it will be paid.
You can also agree to no spousal support.
Prepare Yourself for Negotiation
Effective negotiation requires effective communication, problem-solving, and keeping perspective.
Here are some tips to help you stay focused and productive:
Is It Worth It?
You may have entered the divorce process angry, hurt, bitter, and wanting to punish your ex.
These are normal feelings to have, and they may be justified.
However
If you’re not careful, those feelings can prevent you from settling things in mediation and end up damaging you financially.
To keep settlement discussions moving forward, it can help to ask yourself:
Is this issue worth going to court and spending $20,000+ each, with the possibility the court order won’t go in my favor?
Staying Calm and Respectful
Manage Emotions:
Divorce can be emotionally charged, but staying calm and respectful is crucial for productive discussions.
Avoid Blame:
Focus on your future rather than dwelling on past grievances.
The above two things can be very hard, but luckily, you have a mediator who can act as a filter and keep things moving along.
Actively Listening To Each Other
Listen to your spouse’s concerns and try to understand their perspective. This can help in finding common ground.
Your initial reaction to that advice may be that YOU DON’T CARE about their perspective.
BUT
Understanding where they’re coming from and what their wants and concerns are can be very useful.
That knowledge can give you leverage in negotiating the things you want.
When both parties feel like the other side is listening and working to find a solution, tension is reduced, and it becomes easier to reach an agreement.
Keep an Open Mind to Compromises
Be prepared to compromise.
Mediation is about finding mutually agreeable solutions, not “winning.”
Winning often means losing because you end up litigating and depleting what you could have walked away with.
Think it through
It can be helpful to sit down before mediation and think through the things you’re unwilling to compromise on.
AND
What you would be willing to give up in order to keep the things you want.
For example:
Maybe you don’t have enough assets or cash to buy your spouse out of the house, and you’re also unwilling to sell it.
You may have to give up some of your retirement in order to keep your home.
Setting Realistic Goals
If you’ve completed all the above steps in this checklist, you should be in a very good position to set realistic goals for mediation.
Remember, the numbers don’t lie!
You may be emotionally tied to a marital asset.
BUT
The reality of your situation may be that you simply can’t afford to keep the asset.
This is another point where you really have to be brutally honest about your situation and expectations.
It is also important to understand that you may not be able to resolve everything in a single mediation session.
Legal Considerations
Consulting with a Legal Professional
It is a good idea to establish an attorney-client relationship with a family law attorney to, at the very least, review any agreements you reach in mediation before you sign.
Should You Bring Your Lawyer to Mediation?
If you’re able to, yes.
I do recommend having your attorney attend mediation with you.
Understanding your legal rights, obligations, and the long-term ramifications of the agreements you make is crucial as you navigate the mediation process.
Divorce mediators cannot provide legal advice, so having an attorney present is beneficial.
It can help mitigate issues and additional legal fees down the road.
In addition to being able to give you legal advice, your attorney can do the heavy lifting of negotiating and adjusting numbers in your property division spreadsheet.
Your attorney can help you:
- Come up with creative solutions to settle issues
- Provide emotional support
- Help keep you from overthinking while the mediator is meeting privately with your ex
If You Don’t Bring Your Attorney
If you decide not to have your divorce attorney attend mediation, it is still wise to have them help prepare you for mediation and review any agreement you make before you sign it.
Your Marital Agreement
If you have a prenuptial agreement or postnuptial agreement, you should provide it to your mediator.
Post-Mediation Steps
Once mediation is complete, several important steps remain:
Reviewing the Memorandum of Understanding
Carefully review the MOU (the agreement you reached) with your attorney to ensure it meets your needs and protects your future.
Finalizing the Divorce
Submit the MOU to the court for approval. Once approved, it becomes a legally binding divorce settlement agreement.
Updating Legal Documents
Once your divorce is finalized, it’s a good time to create or update your will, power of attorney, and beneficiary designations to reflect your new marital status.
Implementing the Agreement
You had a successful mediation, the Court has accepted your MOU, and you’ve received your divorce decree.
Congrats!
Now, all that is left to do is implement the terms of your agreement, such as transferring property titles, adjusting to new custody arrangements, and making support payments.
Mediating Your Divorce With Confidence
If you’ve followed this divorce mediation checklist and have done the work, you are prepared for mediation.
You can move forward knowing that you’ve done everything you can to save yourself money, reduce stress, and keep control over the outcome of your divorce.
